


Something Lost, Something Borrowed.

by unfinishedpages



Series: we're collecting moments (tattoos on my mind) [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mutual Pining, Platonic Kissing, Practice Kissing, Reunions, kind of?, supposedly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfinishedpages/pseuds/unfinishedpages
Summary: Jongin can't seem to choose between his crumbling relationship or the fragments of what could've been in the past with someone else.





	Something Lost, Something Borrowed.

Jongin doesn't know what hurts more; his crumbling relationship with SooJung or the look of adoration Kyungsoo gets on his face when his phone rings and the caller is just someone saved under 'J'. Jongin bites his lip in caution, a habit he's been doing quite often these days. 

  
The younger male can't help the look of anguish that swims across his features when the black Iphone on the table vibrates with another text. Another one from J. Due to his faulty vision, he can't quite see what the whole notification says, but he does get a glimpse of a reminder.

  
It's in English. Jongin knows he's crossing the boundary when he spins the phone to face him when Kyungsoo's at the counter ordering for them both. The text is in English. Jongin knows Kyungsoo's English has been improving tremendously, but not to this extent.

  
_"Back home, NYU is a blast so far. Hope Sapporo was fun. -J"_

  
Jongin could feel the dread settling in his bones, hands cold and shaky. He just snooped in his best friend’s phone and found out about his relationship or whatever that was. He couldn’t calm his heartbeat when the elder slowly came back, Jongin scrambling to turn the phone back in its original position.

 

"Hey." An easy, calm smile. "I ordered the same for you, that okay?"

 

A nod, a nervous press of his lips. "Uhuh."

 

Kyungsoo gives him that calm composed smile again, but its replaced by a frown when Jongin's phone vibrates with a text from SooJung. _"Where are you?"_ He throws Kyungsoo a sheepish smile as he replies to her, a curt reply as not to seem rude. _"Dinner with_ hyung _. He's back from Japan."_

 

Another text. _"Oh. Have fun. I love you."_

 

_"I will. You too."_

 

"Soojung?" Kyungsoo grinned as if trying not to dig. "Yeah." The elder asks about their relationship, Jongin makes up a story as he spills. Kyungsoo's light hearted laugh is music to Jongin's ears but adds another weight to his chest. "Going strong since high school huh?"

 

"Yeah." Jongin lies through his teeth.

 

"It's been what? Four, five years? Congratulations!"

 

When the food came, Jongin kept poking his food around while Kyungsoo dug in, hesitating when he saw Jongin's hard stare on his phone. "Did someone call while I was ordering?"

 

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo's face, eyes tracing the soft, but now stronger features as he blinked quickly to snap himself back to reality. "A text."

 

"Oh, I'll check that later."

 

"It was from J." The shock on Kyungsoo's face was equal parts shocked and embarrassed. "Who's J, Hyung?" The fond smile on Kyungsoo's face was enough answer to each and every doubt Jongin had. "A... _friend_." But being the best friend that he was, Jongin stayed mum but failed.

 

"Seems like more than a friend." Kyungsoo laughed, all fond adoration and bashful smiles. "I guess, we have been talking for a while..."

 

"Hyung." Jongin gave him that signature pout he knew Kyungsoo was weak against. "Fine! His name is Jae."

 

"We met in uni, and he's great."

 

"And...?"

 

"What?"

 

"Come on! Tell me! How long have you been 'talking'?" Jongin did the air quotation marks as he tried to control himself. "Two years? I guess—okay fine. We've been together for six months and friends a year before that. He's great and he makes me happy."

 

"How does he look like?"

 

"What?"

 

"Jae. How does he look like?"

 

"Jongin."

 

"Hyung."

 

"Fine! Jesus, Jongin! Here!"

 

Kyungsoo unlocked his phone and scrolled thru for a few minutes until he unceremoniously thrust his phone in front of Jongin's face, a picture of Kyungsoo and a youthful looking male smiling at the camera, the other's dimples deep on his cheeks from the wideness of his smile and their cheeks smooshed together.

 

Jongin snatched the phone from the elder's hands and stared at the picture, burning the elder's smile to memory. He did the mistake of sliding to the next picture and nearly broke down on the table, it was bunch of pictures from a photo booth.

 

It was Jae and Kyungsoo hugging, Jae smiling at the camera and Kyungsoo staring at him as if he hung the moon, Jae catching him staring and laughing, but my god, it was last two pictures that made Jongin's heart clench in pain. It was Kyungsoo cupping Jae's cheeks and leaning in and finally, both of their eyes closed and lips locked in the last frame.

 

"Y..you're happy with him?"

 

"I am, like you are with SooJung."

 

Jokes on Kyungsoo though, because when Jongin has long stopped loving Soojung, they both had stopped loving eachother anymore for the past year. It has been a push and pull between them, Jongin only staying for Soojung because he doesn’t know how to let her down, and Soojung. well, they both don’t know how to end things despite the breakup being long overdue.

 

Kyungsoo laughed. "Jongin! Stop snooping in my phone!"

 

"You..you really like him?"

 

"Yeah, I told you. He's a great, he has the worst jokes, but he's made me happier than I’ve ever been."

 

"He sounds awesome."

 

"Yeah. He definitely is."

 

Jongin inhaled a shaky breath and let it out slowly as he willed himself not to cry. "Jongin? Are you okay?" Kyungsoo's brows furrowed as he held Jongin's hand across the table. "Yeah, I uhh, I’m happy for you."

 

"I'm glad." There’s that gentle smile again on Kyungsoo’s face, and Jongin hates it.

 

Jongin bit his lip and adverted his eyes, nervously tapping his foot against the linoleum. "Um, hyung, I gotta go, Soojung—uh" Kyungsoo's eyes widened into the familiar way they used to when he got excited, before nodding. "Oh, sure. Sure! Take care okay?" He stood up, wrapping his arms around Jongin to bid him goodbye. "Tell Soojung I miss her too. Let's meet again okay, all three us?"

 

Jongin nodded numbly, before stepping out into the streets of Myeongdong and wiping at his tears angrily. Kyungsoo was taken, by this person who seemed so perfect, that Kyungsoo spoke of him with so much love that it sickened him how much he wanted was that same love with Kyungsoo now had with Jae.

 

Jongin stopped at a small alleyway and slid down the grimy wall, sobbing into his arms and knees. Why didn’t he tell Kyungsoo? Why did he choose Soojung over Kyungsoo? Why did he let his fear get over him? All of these questions he had tried to push away into the back of his head are now resurfacing, and this time, he didn’t have the hope that Kyungsoo did love him back at one point because it was too late for him to do anything.

 

Because Kyungsoo was now happy, and Jongin wasn't anymore. It was midnight when he dragged himself to his apartment that he shared with Soojung, the girl breathing a sigh of relief when she saw him coming up the stairs. "Hey, did you two have fun?" Soojung offered, a small smile on her face as she met him in front of their door, hand on Jongin's shoulder. Jongin on the other hand, walked lifelessly as collapsed to the couch, face first. "Hmm, you're not drunk. What's wrong?"

 

"Did you and Kyungsoo-oppa fight?"

 

She asked quietly, stroking Jongin's hair. "No." Soojung pushed at his shoulder to turn him on his side, a gentle finger caressing his cheek. "You were so excited last night when you were telling me that he was back in Seoul for a week." Soojung pointed out, pulling at his coat to get him to be comfortable.

 

In their near 5-year relationship, Soojung has become softer, more caring she has done so much for Jongin, letting all her walls down, but here Jongin was, who couldn’t even give her the truth straight to her face. How do you even tell your long-term girlfriend that you don't want this anymore and that you're in love with your best friend, without being an absolute dick?

 

Jongin had no inkling on what to do. He's seen Soojung's efforts to repair their relationship, bring back the spark and rekindle the love they once had. Jongin tried, so, so hard to reciprocate her efforts. He brought her flowers, did the things that made them happy before, tried new things but months of efforts were gone the moment Kyungsoo was back.

 

"Hey, you okay?" Soojung's voice broke him out of his thoughts, her beautiful, smiling face coming into view as she kneeled on the floor beside the couch, kissing his forehead gently. "What's wrong, jongin? You know you could tell me anything right?" Jongin nodded mutely as she stood up, patting at his thigh to get him to sit properly. "I need to tell you something."

 

"Kyungsoo, he...he's in a relationship."

 

Soojung's expression burst into pure joy, her hands shaking as she laughed giddily. "Oh my gosh, really? That's great! Where'd they meet? Who is the lucky girl...or guy?" Her excited words added to the guilt in Jongin's chest. "His name's Jae."

 

"Aaaand?"

 

"They met in Kyungsoo's internship in Japan."

 

"Annnd? That's it? Come on, tell me more!"

 

"Geez, call him! I want all the details!" Jongin just dialed Kyungsoo's number anf passed his phone to Soojung, before getting off the couch muttering something about a shower and going to bed. Before he closed the door and opened the tap, he heard Soojung's fast English thru the tiles and her high-pitched laughter.

 

As the sound of the water from the shower drowned the sounds outside, Jongin was left with his thoughts, sobbing with his forehead against the cold tiles. He loved Kyungsoo so much, but when things got too serious in highschool, Jongin got scared. When he gave his first kiss to Kyungsoo because all the boys in his class already had theirs, he should've realized the gravity of what he had done.

 

He discreetly tried to 'practice' couple things with Kyungsoo, reasoning out that it would have been weird if he had a girlfriend and had no idea how to do things. Kyungsoo relented, because of the huge Jongin shaped spot in his heart. They held hands, kissed, did things a normal couple did, but they weren’t normal.

  
Little did he know, that the more he took, the more he wanted it.

 

When Jongin truly realized his feelings for Kyungsoo, he got scared. He was so unsure, that’s why he courted Soojung. She was normal, she was familiar and when Soojung had said yes to be his girlfriend back in their sophomore year in high school, Jongin didn't feel the same giddiness he was supposed to feel, instead, he felt a sharp pang of guilt deep in his stomach.

 

He couldn't believe it took five years and Kyungsoo's new boyfriend to finally see the message of his actions clearly. He had used Soojung to fill the Kyungsoo sized void he had made himself in his own chest.

 

He thought moving in with Soojung would be good to fill the void when Kyungsoo decided to pursue his career overseas, but it wasn't. Kyungsoo had finally graduated with a degree in film arts and was going to be entering Julliard in the fall, to expand his playing field.  
Jongin wiped at his face angrily as he walked out of the bathroom, trying to drone out Soojung and Kyungsoo's conversation on speaker. He hears kyungsoo's calm voice tell Soojung the details of his new relationship. "Jae's actually short for Jaehyun, he's a pysch major."

 

Jongin came over to kiss Soojung's hair and bid good night to both of them, but in reality Jongin just didnt want to hear any of it. Jongin was being petty, childish and jealous because he didn’t want to hear how nice he was, how fucking in love Kyungsoo was with him.

 

And how it was him making Kyungsoo happy instead of him.

 

It was eating Jongin inside because he was living a fucking lie; a huge elaborate lie. He was lying to himself, to Soojung and to Kyungsoo.

 

He could still remember the first time he kissed Kyungsoo, all shaky hands and clumsy lips, Kyungsoo's laugh loud in his ears. "God, you're Bad at this." Sixteen-year-old Jongin gave him an appalled expression before crossing his arms. "Since you're so good at it, show me."

 

"Okay. First relax, you're supposed to kiss me, not suck my lips off my face." Kyungsoo muttered, voice dropping as he closed the distance Between their lips, Jongin's soft gasp getting muffled as kyungsoo tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss. That went on until his second, third, fourth kisses were all Kyungsoo's and he had to bite his own lip to stop himself from whining when Kyungsoo pulled away licking at his own lower lip to sever the strand of saliva between them, head hazy from the lack of air. "That good enough for you?"

 

Jongin woke up in cold sweat the following morning, the dream of this first kiss so vivid in this dreams. He could still feel the warmth of Kyungsoo's hands on his nape, his lips against his, and his perfume wafting into Jongin's sense.

 

But he shakes them off. He must move on. Live in this web of lies he's made for himself. Maybe he'll break up with soojung, maybe Kyungsoo will tell him that Jaehyun was someone just to fill the void and that he loves Jongin back.

 

But this is real life, and jongin just made all the wrong choices.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written last October 23, 2016, after a listen to one of my sad playlists. As always, this was just a spur of the moment kind of thing.


End file.
